A Loss

I am sitting at my computer and one song keeps running through my mind, Michael Jackson's You Are Not Alone.  I guess it is because I am feeling very alone right now and more than a little bit scared that I have loss someone who is very important to me.  Until recently I have found it easier to handle problems on my own and not to bother others with what is going on in my life. Then recently I did something that is so far from my mode of operation that now I am scared I am living with the repercussions of that decision.  What did I do? I stepped out of myself and asked for help from friends and family, something I am not really used to doing.  What I did not know at the time is that this decision would really prove to be divisive.  I lost some and I gained some and I thought that was the beginning of the end of losses in my life. I am afraid that it might not be the case. You see I am really seriously was not comfortable about asking others for help when it comes to my personal life.  I have always felt that if I did and I leaned on a friend to much they would get tired of me and walk away.  I just did not want that to happen because I value my true friends to much and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable around me expecting me to ask something of them. 
If you have had the opportunity to read previous entries you will have a good idea about what I was going through.  As I have already admitted it is extremely hard for me to ask for help when it comes to my personal life issues, so I have a tendency not to reach out until the last minute, if at all.  I know this is not wise and it does not help the situation to be resolved in a timely manner, but there is that part of me that won't and can't do it. Please do not think I am ungrateful for all the help I received, because that is not the case at all, I thank God for each and everyone that took the time to help me and my family.  But I am scared that this whole situation has caused me a major loss, at least it is major to me.  You see I really think I have become that friend that they don't want to be around because I may ask for help again. I think my own stubbornness and pride may have cost me my best friend. I know it sound dramatic but this is what I am feeling and here is the reason why.  Since the main emergency situation was resolved my best friend has not been the same toward me, we used to chat and laugh together, and it was good, but now I have not really talked to them since December and then there was no joy or laughter happening.  Even now I can send a text and maybe or maybe not get an answer back and if I do it is all business.  The silence.....hurts.  I understand that this may seem trivial to some but in my case I have so very few people that I consider friends and only one person I consider my best friend.  I find myself missing them like crazy and wanting to talk with them but that feeling of being a burden to them stops me from calling or texting them accept if it has something to do with my job searching or interviews it seems the laughter is gone.  This is the sum of my fear, I ask for help and although I get the help needed, I loose someone important to me. 

"You are not alone,  I am here with you......"

Peace and blessings