So the other reasoning behind beginning my blog was out of need. Two years ago, working on three actually, I was working full time in the Property Management field, something I had made my career for the previous twelve years. I really did enjoy the type of work I did, especially when I was in a position to help someone either find their new home or help them with their arrears. It was fulfilling work I really loved the people I worked with and the residents. I thought this is the type of work I can do for the rest of my career unfortunately it did not work out that way. When I returned to my home state I got a job with a Property Management company and I was really looking forward to continuing on with my work. It is at this job that I experienced something I had never experienced before, absolute hostility in the workplace. This was the most hostile work environment I had ever worked in and I had no way of knowing how to work within it and maintain my professionalism. I wish there were words I could use to truly express just how hostile and stressful this time in my life was, it was to the point that I was loosing hair because of the stress. If you have read any previous post you will know I am very used to handling things on my own, so with this involving my professional life I just thought if I worked harder and got my To Do List completed quicker, then maybe my supervisor would see that and give me a break. I could not have been more wrong, no matter how hard I worked there was no satisfying my supervisor. This went on for two months non-stop and only got progressively worse with each passing day. One would think that work stress is not uncommon and it is not, like I said I had been doing this type of work for twelve years so I knew what to expect. Because when you work as the Property Accountant and Assistant Manager, stresses are normal. But this was elevated to a level that was through the roof and it was each and everyday, it was so difficult a work environment that my coworker and I both broke down crying at our respective desks. Finally, it culminated the third week in September, I had watched the manager in seven months hire and fire ten plus people for no good reason. Everything in me told me my day had come, and that is when she called me into her office and told me that "I have to let you go because it is just not working out." Very calmly I went into my office, collected all my personal items out of my desk and I left. I was shell shocked to say the least, because I knew I had done a good job above and beyond what was expected at the corporate level, so this just made no sense at all. I went home told my family what had happened and needless to say they were just as stunned as I was, but I did not let that stop me, I immediately started job hunting, because I knew this was what I had to do. Then someone suggested to me to file for unemployment so at least we will have some income while I am looking for a job, and that is what I did. I applied to a company that I have heard nothing but the best things about and I landed the interview, I was SO happy. I went to the interview and the manager and I clicked and really enjoyed our interview time, I know that is unusual. Well she ended up offering me the job and I was on top of the world, finally I could relax and work in a great environment, well as I went through all the pre-hire paperwork, there was a hitch, my credit was not as good as they would want it to be so that job fell through. That was the straw that broke the camels back, I broke down in a big way, that night I was as low as I had ever been in my life, it was that night it all hit me, the stress, the hostility, the frustration and fear culminated into one overwhelming feeling of FAILURE. This was the lowest I had ever felt in all my adult life, I looked at my family and knew I had let them down, because I did not do enough to keep my job. I figured that they would be in a much better place on the whole if their failure of a Mother was not around holding them back. So I made a plan and was ready to carry it out after my children had gone to bed for the night. So that night a dear friend, who recognized the downward spiral I was on, came and took to the hospital. I was in the hospital for eight days and I got some help but I had no idea what it meant for me to have ended up in this situation. I thought I would get better quickly kind of like you get over a cold, I took the medicine they gave me and that should do it, right? Well no that was and is not the case, so I continued on and began getting the long term help I needed. December of that same year my doctor diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety Disorder, I was floored, I had never been diagnosed with anything before.
This is the journey I have been on for all this time, it has been difficult at times because once my body gets used to a medication it stops being effective, so I go down and I wish, more than you could imagine, that I had ultimate control over this whole thing but I don't, so I do what my doctors tell me I need to do in order to get better for the long term. So up and down I go and the only difference now is that it is assumed I should be over it by now and I am ultimately responsible for how I am feeling. If only that were the truth. So with all that said this is the main reason for the creation of my blog, to share, to vent, hopefully let someone else know that they are not alone on this type of journey, to say some things that are on my mind, and hopefully to have a laugh. Thank you for going on this journey with me and I hope and pray you continue to read and feel free to comment at any time.
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