Your Words

Your words have stayed with me for years now and I want them to stop.  I am part of a family, maybe not yours but I have a family of my own.  Your words have shadowed me ever since you have spoken them to me when I was thirteen year old and in some shape, form or fashion they have come to fruition.  So what that the family I thought I had is not the one I ended up with, I still have a family.
Dear you,
I was just a little kid of eight years old when you came into my life and the life of my father.  From what I have been told I was a good kid, no real trouble.  I was a bit of a tomboy but other than some cuts and scrapes I stayed out of trouble.  What did I do to you that would make you want to hurt me the way you did?  I came when I was called, I sat down and ate lunch politely and still you beat me with a flyswatter until I had welts on my back. I never understood what I did to deserve the punishment given to me. I did the chores you had assigned to me and yet while I was making the beds you punched me in the eye and then told my Father I had gotten in a fight at school,  I never fought at school.  I apologized for forgetting my house keys but you were so angry that I had done such a thing you smacked me in the face so hard I fell, why?  I was just a little kid, doing the normal little kid things, I never knew what would cause the next beating. I tried to tell my Dad what you were doing but again you won and he did not believe me. To prove your point you beat me for what seemed like hours with the flyswatter and with the fresh welts on me you made me take a hot bath and wash with soap, so it would hurt even more.  I really tried my best to stay out of trouble but it never seemed to work, no matter what I did you would find fault and punish me for it.  I had nowhere to turn to get help because you had convinced everyone that I was lying and trying to break you and my Father up.  It was not true, I just wanted you to stop hitting me, I was so scared of you but that did not matter to you. You have no idea how hard I tried to do everything you wanted me to do just so I would not be hit.  I had no one to turn to so I wrote it down in my journal, and when you read it you got so angry, I still bear the marks of that beating to this day. I decided that it would be best if I just stayed out of your way, so I would spend my summer days at the community swimming pool.  But that still did not stop the hitting it just gave you a new reason to hit me, I was getting to dark being in the sun all day.  So you took that away from me, I was no longer allowed to go to the swimming pool in order to stay out of your way.  I felt so alone, uncared for with no one to protect me from your ire.  It was just me against you and you had the upper hand always, even when it came to your children, my sister and brother.  All I ever wanted to do was love them both because they are part of my family, but you made sure I was not apart of their lives. I had promised I would never tell them about what happened, but that was not good enough for you.  Then by the time I was thirteen years old you told me that "you are no longer welcome in my house" and "this family is a circle and you are on the outside of that circle and will never be a part of this family" that was the final blow. You even made sure my Father distanced himself from me and now it is to late to repair the relationship, he is gone.  After that I never came back, but that still did not ease your hate of me so I stayed away.
I just want to understand why!
Sincerely,
Eight year, Nine year, Ten year, Eleven year, Twelve year and Thirteen year old Me

Please be careful with your words, especially to children, because your words live on in them.  Good or bad, happy or sad, they are ever present.