Resolution resolved

For many years I always made my New Year's resolution(s) and promptly lost sight of them by the 15th of January. I would feel as if I had let myself down and did not have the self discipline to keep my word to myself.  That is until New Year's Eve 2002.
When I was 18 years old I started smoking cigarettes and admittedly I did enjoy a good cigarette after each and every meal, but especially that first cigarette in the morning.  I was a happy smoker for 16 years, I did make the commitment that I would not smoke in the house with my children around, unfortunately it was a commitment that was an on and off thing. These were the years before it was well known about the effects of second hand smoke.  As my children got older they began a campaign to get me to quit smoking, for every commercial that would come on about the effects of smoking they would point it out to me.  They would ask "when are you going to quit smoking Mommy?" Let's just say they really put the desire to quit in my heart and mind.  So that became my New Year's resolution for many years and year after year I did manage to quit for about a week at a time.  But I was never able to get to the point that I just did not want a cigarette. Now the part that always amazes me is that with each pregnancy I was able to quit smoking with no problem whatsoever and I would manage to stay a non smoker for a year or more afterwards. But the desire to smoke was always present and therefore I would pick up the habit again.  Then in 2002 on my birthday, I won't mention which one, I decided it was time, I did not want to start the new year being a smoker and I did let my children know of my decision, needless to say they were very happy.  The next decision I had to make was how to go about the process of quitting and staying a non smoker, I thought about the patch, the nicotine gum, I even thought of hypnosis, none of which really resonated with me.  I knew my habit of smoking was more than just the act of smoking, it was the feeling of peace and contentment I had when I smoked a cigarette, and yes there was some joy to it also. I really liked smoking cigarettes, I finally understood what my Grandmother meant when she said that "cigarettes were her best friends", I found I felt the same way.  But I had made the promise not only to myself but also to my children that I was NOT going to be a smoker come January 1, 2003, I was determined.  I had given myself six months to figure it out and to implement my plan and stick with it.  That is when I knew I had to go back to my roots and what I knew worked in all things, prayer.  I never prayed to quit smoking, I prayed for the removal of the taste of smoking to be taken away, and the desire, talk about praying without ceasing.  I knew with every fiber of my being that I no longer wanted to be a smoker, I did not want the report from the doctor giving me the options of quitting or dying as had happened with my Grandmother and Father. So as December 31st approached I was nervous that I would not be able to keep this particular promise, I mean we are talking about quitting smoking!  My children on the other hand were getting quite excited about the idea of having a non smoking Mommy and they let it be known that I had to stick with it because I had promised them.  December 31, 2002 we were watching Dick Clark's New Year Rockin Eve, and then it happened the ball began to drop and as each number of the countdown passed, I took a drag of my LAST cigarette.  At 12:00 am I was now on my journey to quitting and to make sure I started out correctly my children took all my cigarettes and tore them up and threw them away, took every ashtray and lighter and threw them away also, I knew there was no turning back.  I knew that I would have to take it day by day, week by week, or I was going to overwhelm myself and give up, so that is what I did, everyday without smoking was a victory.  There were some days that all I wanted was a cigarette to help calm my nerves, but I had to find something new.  So I focused on working, volunteering at my children's school and at church, and reading.  Before I knew it a month had passed and that urge/desire to smoke was dissipating everyday I went without.  I am now a happy non smoker for 10 years now and since that night in 2002 I never looked back.

I really have not focused on New Year resolutions since 2002, but for 2013 I have resolved to get better and better day by day, one day at a time.  What ever your New Year resolution may be take it a day at a time for everyday is a victory, even when you slip up a bit.  Stick to it and you can and will accomplish all that you desire.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Peace and blessings

Moving forward

2013

For the new year one of my goals is to be working at a job, in a new industry, that I look forward to going to everyday.  I am finally ready to rejoin the workforce and actually look forward to making the transition and starting anew.  I never thought I would be able to say those words. The thought of going back to the industry in which I spent the majority of my career sent shivers of fear through my body.  I just could not wrap my mind around going back and doing the same thing I have done for 10 plus years.  It is not that it was all a bad experience but it was more than time for me to move onto something new and different.  That is the opportunity that has come my way as 2012 ends and 2013 begins, and I am excited about the prospect.  That is what I want from 2013, new beginnings and learning to love what I do and do what I love. I don't have any allusions that it will be a perfect year, but it will be a better one than I have had in the past two years. This new year is about continuing to move forward and concentrate on the positive aspects and not negative.  That is what this new year is all about "keep moving forward" Mr. Walt Disney said this and it is appropriate for this new year to come, I will keep moving forward.  I pray that you all have a wonderful New Year and it brings all the good things in life to you and your families. 
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Peace and blessings 

Love is the Reason for the Season

I hope you don't mind if I share a story with you.  I read this little story recently and to me is truly sums up what Christmas is all about. 

Mark was an 11-year-old orphan who lived with his aunt, a bitter middle-aged woman greatly annoyed with the burden of caring for her dead sister's son.  She never failed to remind young Mark, if it hadn't been for her generosity, he would be a vagrant, homeless waif.  Still, with all the scolding and chilliness at home, he was a sweet and gentle child.
I had not noticed Mark particularly until he began staying after class each day (at the risk of arousing his aunt's anger, I later found) to help me straighten up the room.  We did this quietly and comfortably, not speaking much, but enjoying the solitude of that hour of the day.  When we did talk, Mark spoke mostly of his mother.  Though he was quite small when she died, he remembered a kind, gentle, loving woman, who always spent much time with him.
As Christmas drew near however, Mark failed to stay after school each day.  I looked forward to his coming, and when the days passed and he continued to scamper hurriedly from the room after class, I stopped him one afternoon and asked why he no longer helped me in the room.  I told him how I had missed him, and his large gray eyes lit up eagerly as he replied, "Did you really miss me?"
I explained how he had been my best helper.  "I was making you a surprise," he whispered confidentially.  "It's for Christmas."  With that, he became embarrassed and dashed from the room.  He didn't stay after school any more after that.
Finally came the last school day before Christmas.  Mark crept slowly into the room late that afternoon with his hands concealing something behind his back.  "I have your present," he said timidly when I looked up.  "I hope you like it."  He held out his hands, and there lying in his small palms was a tiny wooden box.
"Its beautiful, Mark.  Is there something in it?"  I asked opening the top to look inside. "
"Oh you can't see what's in it," he replied, "and you can't touch it, or taste it or feel it, but mother always said it makes you feel good all the time, warm on cold nights, and safe when you're all alone."
I gazed into the empty box.  "What is it Mark," I asked gently, "that will make me feel so good?"  "It's love," he whispered softly, "and mother always said it's best when you give it away."  And he turned and quietly left the room.
Author Unknown

Merry Christmas!

May the Joy, Peace, and Love of the season stay with you now and into the New Year!!

Peace and Blessings

Give, and it will be given to you

Today I was thinking about all that has taken place these last few weeks before Christmas and a couple of scriptures kept coming to mind. The first one is:  

Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:38

and the second one is:

And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel's,
But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.
<sup>Mark 10:29-30

You may ask why these two scriptures?  Well both scriptures speak to giving and whatever you have given it will be returned to you hundredfold, or a hundred times over what you have originally given. No I am  not going to preach to you about these two scriptures, but I would like to give you my take on them.  Luke's scripture is easier to understand and it is quite the prayer to offer someone.  Give and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. That is a wow scripture, to me what he is saying here is that when you give it will be given back to you. Not just the amount you have given will be returned to you, but the good measure will be pressed down, to fit more in there, shaken together, so it gets into all the cracks and crevices, and running over will be given back to you.  What an abundantly wonderful gift to give back to someone that has given you a good measure, not only are they getting back what they have given but then they are getting it back with it running over.  
The first time I read this scripture in Mark, I took it literally and that was a scary thought for me to absorb, to just walk away from everyone and everything.  Admittedly I had to pray over this one, because I just could not grasp God asking me to give up my children, that he had  blessed me with, and just walk away.  As I was meditating on this I was blessed with some clarification, God is not asking me to do anything he has not already done before, For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,</sup> and even earlier when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac for a burnt offering, and because he was willing to make such a sacrifice God stopped him and Abraham was mightily blessed.  This scripture is teaching the same lesson, if you are willing to walk away from your house, brothers and sisters, Mother and Father, Wife and children or land to follow him, with persecutions, he will bless you with the same with a hundredfold increase, and that is just because of your willingness to follow him. To follow him does not mean  it has to be a big grand gesture or an announcement, it is in the day to day way in which God manifests in our lives, despite what others may say.  When we say bless you, because someone sneezed or  they just needed to hear it, is a small powerful prayer you are saying over someone. Or more significantly giving to a complete stranger because you see their need, like the New York police officer who gave the homeless man socks and shoes just because he knew he needed them. More personally a great number of people, known and unknown to me, working together to make sure my family and I stayed together.  Although it may not seem like it, it is what this scripture is all about, are you willing to do what God has asked you to do despite people saying "your nuts" "I would never" or "I have gifts to buy for my family so I can't help" (the persecutions). And because of your willingness, you will be blessed one hundredfold, good measure pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be returned to you. 
^{May the peace, joy and love of Christmas bless and keep you and your families, now and throughout the New Year!!}

^{Peace and Blessing}  

This Christmas

This Christmas is going to be one of the best I have had in many years. No we don't have a tree, no we don't have any gifts around our fireplace, but what we do have is each other.  This Christmas is all about rejoicing in having my family around me, watching football and just enjoying each other. I know this sounds like a bleak Christmas but when I look at what almost happened, this is the best Christmas ever.  I, like all parents really like to go all out at Christmas time with the gifts, food and more gifts. Well this year our gift,  our being my family, is a roof over our heads and everyone home and together for the holiday. It almost did not happen that way, there was a real possibility that I was going to be separated from my children and they would have been separated from each other at Christmas time. It was hard for me to imagine being separated from them because since the day they came into the world we have been a close knit family that has never spent more than a week at a time away from each other. So to have this prospect looming before us was unthinkable and heartbreaking, but thankfully we had God watching over us and sent his angels to lift us out of our difficulty. I can honestly say these where not the angels one would expect, you know the winged, draped in white with harps and glowing faces, angels.   These angels were everyday people who where lead by the spirit of generosity, kindness and love that they gave of themselves and allowed God to work through them and give us a Christmas miracle.  For a moment I was upset because we were going to go without gifts this year but then I was reminded what this season is about, God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have life everlasting, Christmas is about love and family.

May the joy of the Christmas season bless and keep you, your family and friends today and into the New Year!! 
Peace and Blessings

The Karma Of Giving and Recieving

Today bring whoever you encounter a gift: a compliment, a smile or flower. Gratefully receive gifts in return. It keeps wealth circulating by giving and receiving care, affection, appreciation and love. We have to have the ability to receive also. When a person gives us something and we say no that is creating an imbalance. It is important to give every day: give thanks, gratitude, support, love, freedom, what you can afford, and time.  All that you give you will receive back bigger and better than ever.  Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind. Choosing actions that bring happiness and success to others ensures the flow of happiness and success to you. Everything you do has choices and generates that energy that will be returned to you. Before you do something .you can check to see if it is the highest and good for you and all. You will know if it is good if you feel good. It feels like a knot in your stomach after  you make a choice that may not have been the highest or the best. But each choice is a valuable learning experience.

It is a lesson that I am so grateful to have learned at this time in my life.  Giving has always been easy, I would give time, affection, love and money if I could afford it, this was no problem for me. My lesson came in learning how to first ask for the help and then how to receive the help when given.  It is an ongoing lesson and one that I am still struggling with on a daily basis.  I just have a hard time asking for and receiving help, without feeling guilty that I have bothered people with what I need help with.  I guess it was time for me to learn  the lessons on how not only to give to others, but to ask for and receive help from others. I know I have expressed my appreciation and thanks for the wonderful help I have received recently. In your kindness and generosity you has also taught me how to receive with an open and grateful heart and not feel guilty.  That is a lesson I will treasure for the rest of my life.   Again I say THANK YOU!!
Peace and Blessings

Kindness

I originally saw this on a friends Facebook page and it really spoke to me and the kindness that has been shown to me and my family.  Kindness is such a easy thing to do for someone else, whether it is giving to someone in need or spending time with someone who is alone during the holiday season, kindness is one gift that keeps on giving.  Truly I am speechless and in awe of all of you who have taken the time and reached out a kind hand and helped my family and I during our time of difficulty.  Your gift of kindness will keep on giving and it will be paid forward continually in thought, word and deed.  You have truly bestowed upon me and my family the greatest gift of kindness that goes beyond measure.  As I said before, I am truly at a loss for the words to express how much this means to me and my daughters.  May your kindness come back to you a thousand times greater and blessing rain down on you and your family. 

I am in absolute awe of everyone of you. Thank you for your Kindness

Peace and blessings

Learning to Love and Forgive

WE ALL HAVE family patterns, and it is very easy for us to blame our parents, our childhood, or our environment for the present condition of our lives. If we grew up in a family where criticism was the norm, then we are going to be critical as adults. If we grew up in a family where we were not allowed to express our anger, then we are probably terrified of anger and confrontation, and we swallow it and let it reside in our body. If we were raised in a family where everybody was manipulated by guilt, then we are probably going to be the same way as adults. We probably run around saying “I’m sorry” all the time, and can never ask for anything outright. We feel we have to be manipulative in some way in order to get what we want.
As we grow up, we begin to live these false ideas and lose touch with our inner wisdom. We need to realize that we can go beyond our family’s limitations. We are the ones who suffer when we hold on to past grievances. We give the situations and the people in our lives power over us, and these same situations and people keep us mentally enslaved. They continue to control us when we stay stuck in “unforgiveness.” We need to let go of the beliefs that hurt us. This allows us to be free from the needless cycle of pain, anger and recrimination that keeps us imprisoned in our own suffering and prevents us from creating positive, affirming relationships with ourselves and others.
If we want to be accepted as we are, we have to be willing to accept others as they are. We always want to have our parents accept us totally, and yet often we are not willing to accept them as they are. Acceptance is giving ourselves and the others the ability to just be. It is arrogant to set standards for others. We can only set standards for ourselves. And even then, we want them to be more like guidelines than standards. The more we can practice self-acceptance, the easier it is to drop habits that no longer serve us. It is easy for us to grow and change in an atmosphere of love. We must strive to love others, to forgive their past behaviors, and in order to do this, we must first learn to love and forgive ourselves.

Becoming...and Choosing....

 There is no one on this earth that is harder on us than we are on ourselves.  I know I am my own worst critic, looking over my life and wondering why I am not where I want to be or even where I thought I would be at my age.  I look at my friends and wonder why I am so far behind in being where I should be at this stage in my life. So I go back to my roots and pray.
I pray to God for some understanding of my situation and why I am going through this, and the answer I get is "you are becoming....". In other words I am a work in progress, and even through the hard times I am becoming. But Father, I have been on this earth for 44 years and I have experienced some of this worlds worst evils only to come out on the other side stronger and learning that there is no one on this earth I would let harm my children. Father, you have blessed us with free will and I have made some choices that have had me make a left in my life instead of the right you had planned for me, but you never left me. I take responsibility for the mistakes that have taken place in my life, I don't blame you or anyone else, but when is enough going to be enough? When!! will this battle I call my life going to end?  No, God I do not want to die, but I am tired of struggling and fighting for every moment, it feels as if I  am constantly battling a mountain only to turn around and face another that is bigger and harder than the one before. That is when I hear that still, small voice that speaks to your heart, "I have never told you that you are to go through these battles alone. I am always here and  I have put people in your life, that I have blessed with enough strength of character, that will go to battle with you if you ask them".  God I know you have blessed me with some wonderful people in my life, but they have families and troubles of their own to deal with, I don't want to bother them with mine. I hear that still, small voice saying "that is why you are tired my child, you see I have never left you nor will I ever, you are one of my children and trust that the ones who I have put in your life are there for the long haul and want to help you, but you have to ask for the help".  God through all of this you are telling me I am still becoming....who you have created me to be?  You are closer than you think because you have:

Chosen to love. . . rather than hate.
Chosen to laugh. . . through the tears. .
Chosen to create. . . rather than destroy.
Chosen to persevere. . . rather than quit.
Chosen to praise. . . rather than gossip.
Chosen to heal. . . rather than wound.
Chosen to give. . . rather than steal.
Chosen to act. . . rather than procrastinate.
Chosen to grow. . . rather than rot.
Chosen to pray. . . rather than curse.
Chosen to live. . . rather than die.

In the name of your Son, I pray.  Amen

You might ask why in the world I decided to share something so personal with you in such a public forum.  The answer is simple, no matter who you pray to or how you believe, I know everyone has asked these questions at least once in their lives.  But the main reason for me sharing something so personal with you is because I needed to remind myself that I am never alone. We are still becoming who we were created to be on this earth, no the journey is not easy, but when we are reminded of all the good that is in the world, it becomes worth the work.

In every smile there is beauty.  In every heart there is love.  In every mind there is wisdom.  In every human being there is a soul, there is life, there is worth, and there is the ability to see all these things in everyone, including one’s self.~~Marc and Angel Hack Life

Peace and Blessings

There Is A Season for All Things....

To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.  There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life forever, they are there to teach us a lesson or guide us down a different path. Only ones who are truly worthy of your love are the ones who stand with you through the hard times and laugh with you after the hard times pass. 

Just like we experience the seasons of Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter, we have to allow those who come into our life for a season go when it is time.  This is easier said than done, especially when the season might lasts for a number of years. Don't start looking around at your friends looking for that one that was only supposed to be there for a season.  There is a great chance that person has already come and gone, and left you with a memory of a lesson learned.  You may have had to learn the lesson the hard way, as in that person was the bane of your existence.  And when you came out on the other side you came away with a lesson that you could not have learned any other way.  Given my stubborn nature, I have had many lessons come to me the hard way and one of them was when to let that person go because their work is done in my life.  Many times I was so blind to the fact that they were only there for a season that the friendship was torn a part, just so that person would be free to move on.  In one particular instance I was so angry at that person that the lesson was lost on me and it was so bad that we did not even mention that persons name in the house.  But over time I have been able to see and understand that they were only there for a season and when it was done they had to go.  The lesson they taught me is invaluable to me now in my everyday life and I can think on them without anger and with thankfulness, for a lesson well taught .  Many times nothing dramatic has happened to separate you from that person, just over time you drifted apart from each other, only to leave each of you with great memories and you still learned a valuable lesson from them. 
There are also people who are meant to be a part of your existence for a life time, how do you know the difference?  These are the ones who through good times and bad times, happy and sad, care enough to argue with you and for you, and to kick you in the bottom when it is needed.  These are the ones that even if you have not talked to them in a long time, when you do it is just like time never passed.  These are the ones you have their back and they have yours no matter what. Keep them!!
Think back to that one who taught the hardest lesson you have had to learn and be thankful for them, and the lesson they taught you along the way.  To every thing there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
Peace and Blessings

Everyday Miracles and Everyday Joy

When I was much younger I thought a miracle had to be something automatic, you know the minute you ask  it was supposed to happen, or it had to be something big and grand and then you would experience the joy in the situation. When in fact the dictionary defines a Miracle as an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.

When in fact miracles can be as simple as giving someone a smile or a word of encouragement that brings them joy, or it can be something more profound, like an answered prayer for either you or a family member, and they do not come when we expect them to, but they are always right on time.  Miracles don't always look the way we think they should, or even the way we have asked but nevertheless they are happening to us everyday and even though they look different than expected, they still bring us profound joy.  As I have gotten older, I have changed my perception of what a miracle can look like and how they come to us on a daily basis.  Through some of the most difficult times in life I have seen and experienced some of my life's greatest miracles and joys.  They did not always look like miracles, or at least how I thought they should look. I mean how is it a miracle to experience a loss of any kind? Seriously where in the world is the miracle and joy in that?  Truthfully it is more difficult to see the miracle or even experience joy when you are going through a loss.  But then you step outside of the situation a bit and you start to see the glorious miracle right before you, like complete strangers reaching out a helping hand to you in your moment of need.  Or when you find yourself out in public and can't hold back the tears anymore and instead of looking at you strangely, someone takes a moment to offer you words of encouragement that lifts your spirit.  Or when it seems that life has closed a major door in your life and then you turn around and someone opens a bigger door for you and your family.  Miracles all of them, and the joy they bring can not be measured. Now with the advent of Social Media, your miracle can be a much needed posted word that speaks to whatever situation you are going through that time.  Miracles and the joy they bring are extraordinarily blessed events that happen in our lives everyday big and small. 
Peace and Blessings.

Climbing the Mountain to Forgiveness

Climbing the mountain to forgiveness is a journey in which you can control how long it takes get to the top. Sounds simple doesn't it, as we all know it is not the easiest thing to do for yourself or for someone else.  The dictionary defines forgiveness: To grant pardon or remission of an offense, cease to feel resentment against someone. A very simple definition, a more difficult concept to execute.  Because we don't forget when we have been wronged in some way so how in the world do we forgive? I mean how do we forgive someone who has been abusive toward us, either physically, emotionally, or has broken our heart?  How do we forgive a parent who was or still is abusive toward us either emotionally, physically or by neglect? How do we begin to climb the mountain of forgiveness?  The simple truth is one step at a time, the hard part is taking that first step as with any journey that first step is always the hardest.  When you begin your journey with taking the first step you have to do it in the faith that you will come out the other side in a better place than where you began.
I am going to share with you my journey up the mountain to forgiveness.  In my case my abuses were committed by my parents, what the abuse was is really not what we need to focus on, just the fact that it happened between the ages of eight and seventeen.  Once I was able to move out of my parent's home is when I took the first step to healing and in a very real way to forgiving them.  I like most people needed and wanted them to admit their errors and apologize and then I would be able to forgive them and go on with my life.  Well that never happened, and I spent years trying to get them to admit their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions or lack thereof.  My desire for this only grew once I had my children, simply because I could not imagine letting anyone under any circumstances harm, either emotionally or physically, my children.  I just could not accept or understand how they let it happen.  There were many years I spent very angry with my parents, and I did cut off communicating with them all together.  But that did not solve my problem of finding a way to forgive them and move on with my life, because this was really holding me back from living.  After about ten years I reached out to my parents and we started communicating again but that desire had not subsided, it had actually grown.  So at different times I did discuss with them what had happened and asked why they did nothing to stop it, well again I met that brick wall of "I don't know what you are talking about".  Needless to say I did not step away from the discussions feeling any better or closer to finding a way to forgive them for what I had suffered or even forgiving myself.  Again I stepped away form communicating with them and moved myself and my children to the other side of the country and went about the work of building a life for my family.  While away I learned some valuable lessons about what constitutes a family, which it is not always defined by blood relations, I also learned lessons about forgiveness and what it really means.  After six years away we moved back to our home state and that is when I had to put those lessons about forgiveness to practice.  One of the biggest lesson I learned is that forgiveness is not about the other person and making them feel better, like the event never happened. Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from feelings the resentment and anger about the situation that has taken place. I also learned that it is definitely okay not to feel guilty or take responsibility for the abuses committed on you by someone else. I took these lessons to heart and used them to forgive my parents and move on with my life in a positive way.

The steps you are going to have to take in order to free yourself and forgive are:  1) decide forgiving is what you have and want to do to move on with your life in a positive way and holding onto that grudge is not worth it. 2)   recognize that no matter how much you wish or pray for it to happen chances are they will not take responsibility for their actions or lack thereof, now if they do, well that just makes the other steps that much easier. 3) you have to decide if it is a relationship you want to keep in your life, this is mainly a decision that has to do with family and friends. 4) Forgive yourself for any feelings of anger and  resentment. 5) remove all feelings of guilt, you are not responsible for someone elses actions and feeling guilty is a non starter in your road to forgiveness. 6) It is not necessary to tell the other person that you forgive them, especially if they have not asked for it.  7) Last but not least Forgive them for what they have done, again I say not for them but for you.  Under no circumstances are you to be hard on yourself if you are feeling like this whole process is not happening fast enough.  Look at it like this, nobody has ever climbed Mt. Everest in a day, forgiving is the same way, it is doable but it takes time and allow yourself however much time you need to get it done.
On a side note have you noticed I never told you to forget, just forgive!
Peace and blessings.

Humbled by Your Kindness

For all of my adult life I have been able to take care of myself and my family.  Recently that has changed and to be honest it has thrown me for a loop, I am not used to not being able to solve my own problems no matter how big or small they were.  I know it sounds silly because everyone needs help sometime in their life, but I never wanted to bother anyone with mine.  You know that old saying "don't air your dirty laundry in public" well at some point I took that to heart, I know it is silly but I did.  I always figured that everyone has something going on in their lives and would be unable to help me with either, thought, word or deed.  So when my life took this drastic change I still figured that I could not share it with anyone because no one will be able to help me out.  Well, thankfully, God has blessed me with an exceptional best friend who is not afraid to kick me in the bottom when needed.  I needed the kick, he convinced me to reach out to family and friends, so I did in a small private message on facebook and it helped a bit and the help that was sent was deeply appreciated but more help was needed. He decided to take matters into his own hands, because he saw the need.  That opened a floodgate of help in thoughts, words and deeds, that many times left me speechless.  It reminded me that there are some really kind and wonderful people in the world today and my life has been touched by them.
I am going to ask once again this question: Is Thank you Enough? and in this instance I will have to say not quite.  I will add this directly to all of you: From my heart to yours, I am truly and deeply humbled by your kindness and Thank you for all you have done for me and my family.  Your thoughts, words and deeds have touched us deeply and you are all in our prayers.  May you all have peace everyday of your life, and may blessings rain down  on you and your family.

Is Thank You Enough?

Have you ever been in the position where "thank you" just does not seem adequate enough to express your deep gratitude.  You sit there and sit there to try to come up with the words that truly express how deeply you appreciate what someone has or is doing for you. To add to the difficulty today is social media, how do you express such profound appreciation when you can not look the other person in the eye, or let that complete stranger know they have touched your life in profound ways.   Most of us of a certain age still think maybe there is a Hallmark card out there that can convey what we are attempting to say.  Some come close but then they are not quite right.  You pull out your trusty dictionary to look up the words you are thinking may carry the meaning you are working so hard to express.  When that does not work you blow the dust off of your thesaurus and to see if by chance there is some English word you have not thought of will work, then nothing.  In a last ditch effort you look up some quotes online just to check and see if someone has  previously said the words you are looking for, and again you find some good ones but they are just not quite what you are trying to say.  So there you sit, in front of your computer frustrated because you just can't find the words that get across what you want to say.  You begin to write, thinking that given enough room you can really express to the reader just how much you appreciate them and what they have done. But that turns into short novel and that is just to much, so what do you do?  You find your way back to the beginning to the tried and true words "Thank you" you can add all you want to that but "Thank you" takes center stage in your message and if you are fortunate enough to be able to look that person in the eye, make them stop and look at you  in the eyes and say "Thank you, you are truly appreciated". Simple, eloquent, heartfelt and it expresses your deepest gratitude, Thank you!

A Hard Lesson Learned...

If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it. Ignore unconstructive and hurtful commentary. No one has the right to judge you. They may have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through. You do not have control over what others say; but you do have control over whether or not you allow them to say these things to you.  There are times with this is easier said than done, because what do you do when that person who is critical and or judgmental is your employer or a family member?  Although this makes it a bit more challenging it is not impossible to ignore the people who bring negativity in to your life. If it is an employer, you can always look into changing jobs, or moving to another department within the company you for whom you work.  If the person is a family member what should you do?  Before you have an argument with that negative person, first take a little time for some self reflection, ask yourself a few questions. Ask yourself, am I doing anything that should cause this person to react to me in such a way?  Is there something that has happened that could have made this person react this way toward me in this manner?  Is this a relationship that is worth working on and saving?   The last question may throw some of you into a loop, because we all believe that family is family and you never give up that relationship.  However , the last question is, do I really want to continue to deal with the negativity of this family member?  If your answer to those questions is no, then it is okay to severe the relationship.  This does not mean you have to cruel and mean to them, you just decide within yourself that this person is just a blood relative, and not necessarily a family member of yours. In reality family is what you make of it, meaning there is not always a blood connection between two people that consider each other family, many times it comes down to a choice to be there for someone, a friend, through thick and thin, good times and bad times that makes them a part of your family.  I have been blessed with some wonderful friends who have chosen me, and I them, to be apart of their family and they are a part of mine.  Don't get me wrong I am by no means suggesting you should turn your back on all your family members, but I am pointing out that it is okay to terminate a relationship with the person who adds just the negative into your life and never the positive.  If you do make the choice to terminate the relationship with that family member, do not then turn around and tell everyone who will listen how much you hate them.  The emotions of hate and anger do not harm the one you are aiming those emotions at, they in fact hurt you.  Why? because it is not them that is getting worked up at the very thought of them, or end up with knots in their stomach when they see you at a family gathering it is just you experiencing those emotions.  One of the hardest things to do is to separate the family that is blood and the emotional connection of family.  I know I always thought you had to love every member of your family no matter what, and finding out that that is not the way it is was a hard lesson but one very worth learning.  Sometimes you have to look who they are and not what they are to you, a cousin, aunt, uncle, parent, etc. and would this be someone, without the blood tie, you would want in your life otherwise?

If this is the path you choose to take one very important thing I have to suggest, and this is from experience, forgive yourself and forgive them.  It is not for them you are doing this it is strictly for you because that means you can move forward with your life. 

 

 

Four Legged Family Members

Most of the time we humans think it is us who is doing the adopting when it comes to the pets in our lives.  Well if you ask your cat and or dog who did the adopting, they will let you know it was them that adopted you. I have always had pets in my life, during childhood it was dogs, Siberian Huskies at one point we had 7 of them.  Two of them I personally claimed as my very own, with total agreement from my parents of course, the runt of the litter was a boy and I named him Hun (short for honey), and the little girl I named Shenika (I have no idea where that name came from).  The three of us were inseparable, we played no matter the weather, whether it was warm outside or everything covered in snow, there we were playing and wrestling around. Hun and Shenika slept with me, one on one side and the other on the other side, I stayed very warm during those winter months.  Eventually, like all our four legged family members do, Hun and Shenika passed away, don't be sad, they had a wonderful full life and passed of old age, plus their memory still lives in me.  I did not have another pet until I was 17 years old and that is when I met a grumpy cat named Buttercup.  By the time Buttercup and I made our acquaintance she was 7 year old and very set in her kitty ways, meaning she would only allow you to pet her when she was ready.  Don't get me wrong she never scratched or growled at anyone in the family, she ignored guest, and we all got along wonderfully as long as her food and water bowls were full.  Buttercup and I worked on our relationship and all went well as long as I understood one thing, I could sleep in my (her) bed as long as I stayed on my side (the corner).
Once I got out there on my own it took me a long time to open my heart to have a pet again, and by the time I was ready I also had my two daughters.  One day while we ate dinner I mentioned getting a cat, I did not want a dog because I would always compare them to my Hun and Shenika and I did not want that to happen.  I knew that the moment I mentioned getting a cat I would not hear the end of it until we had one living the good life in our home.  As my girls got excited about the family addition so did I, and I knew what type of cat I wanted, gray and white with a pink nose.  One day we were out walking around our little downtown area and walked by a Petco, what is going on? a cat adoption.  We go inside, because there was no way I was going to be allowed not to go in, and talk to the head of the organization which was Community Concerns 4 Cats and she gives us a quick interview, to make sure we were serious.  She was so serious about making sure the adopted cats are going to good homes that plan on keeping them for a lifetime and keep the strictly indoor cats, well we passed the interview and were able to take a look at the cats they had with them that day.  Oh my were those kittens to cute and I fell in love with at least 8 of them, but then a foster parent came in carrying her two foster cats.  She puts them in the jump cage and there she is, my gray and white kitty with a pink nose, Shya,  and she is in there with her litter mate, Mootah.  The foster Mom gives us their story and I immediately agreed to take them both so they would not be separated, and given thorough instructions on how to introduce them to their new home, we were off with our beautiful little additions.  We got Shya and Mootah home and followed the instructions to the letter, after about a month, Mootah was not adjusting well and she was upsetting Shya, so after some serious conversations we agreed we would have to take Mootah back to the agency.  I did let the director know what was going on and she totally understood and she suggested maybe we needed to get a different kitty to keep Shya company and I agreed.  That weekend we took Mootah back and my youngest daughter had asked if she could pick out the next kitty, she always wanted an orange kitty, I agreed.  As I was in conversation with members of Community Concerns 4 Cats, she was looking intently for her kitty, and there before her was a jump cage with about 4 orange kitties in it, my daughter was mesmerized and then one little kitty stepped forward, stretched out her paw and touched my daughter nose, it was love a first paw.  The foster Mom took the kitty out and let my daughter hold her and there was no way we were going to leave without that bundle of orange fluff.  Once we got our newest baby home, she truly acted like she was meant to be there, and she and my daughter were inseparable, and that is when she officially adopted my daughter as her new mommy.
A year later we had become a foster home for Community Concerns 4 Cats and we seemed to have the magic touch with some of the more difficult kitties, the ones who where shy, scared, standoffish or did not play well with others.  They never had a chance when they came to us because we were determined to love the shy, fear, standoffishness and loner out of them, and we had the war wounds to show for it, but by the time it we were finished and they were eligible to be adopted they had changed into the most loving cats you can have.  So we became known as the foster house that gets the tougher cases.  This is how we got Lola, she was a little kitty that did not like to be picked up, and when we would take her to adoptions she would not engage people when they looked at her, which was completely opposite from the way she was at home. Lola let it be known that she had adopted us as her family and that was the end of that, so we made it formal and we rounded out our little family, three humans, and three kitties.  Seven years later and the cats run the household and agree to let us live in it with them.