A Hard Lesson Learned...

If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it. Ignore unconstructive and hurtful commentary. No one has the right to judge you. They may have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through. You do not have control over what others say; but you do have control over whether or not you allow them to say these things to you.  There are times with this is easier said than done, because what do you do when that person who is critical and or judgmental is your employer or a family member?  Although this makes it a bit more challenging it is not impossible to ignore the people who bring negativity in to your life. If it is an employer, you can always look into changing jobs, or moving to another department within the company you for whom you work.  If the person is a family member what should you do?  Before you have an argument with that negative person, first take a little time for some self reflection, ask yourself a few questions. Ask yourself, am I doing anything that should cause this person to react to me in such a way?  Is there something that has happened that could have made this person react this way toward me in this manner?  Is this a relationship that is worth working on and saving?   The last question may throw some of you into a loop, because we all believe that family is family and you never give up that relationship.  However , the last question is, do I really want to continue to deal with the negativity of this family member?  If your answer to those questions is no, then it is okay to severe the relationship.  This does not mean you have to cruel and mean to them, you just decide within yourself that this person is just a blood relative, and not necessarily a family member of yours. In reality family is what you make of it, meaning there is not always a blood connection between two people that consider each other family, many times it comes down to a choice to be there for someone, a friend, through thick and thin, good times and bad times that makes them a part of your family.  I have been blessed with some wonderful friends who have chosen me, and I them, to be apart of their family and they are a part of mine.  Don't get me wrong I am by no means suggesting you should turn your back on all your family members, but I am pointing out that it is okay to terminate a relationship with the person who adds just the negative into your life and never the positive.  If you do make the choice to terminate the relationship with that family member, do not then turn around and tell everyone who will listen how much you hate them.  The emotions of hate and anger do not harm the one you are aiming those emotions at, they in fact hurt you.  Why? because it is not them that is getting worked up at the very thought of them, or end up with knots in their stomach when they see you at a family gathering it is just you experiencing those emotions.  One of the hardest things to do is to separate the family that is blood and the emotional connection of family.  I know I always thought you had to love every member of your family no matter what, and finding out that that is not the way it is was a hard lesson but one very worth learning.  Sometimes you have to look who they are and not what they are to you, a cousin, aunt, uncle, parent, etc. and would this be someone, without the blood tie, you would want in your life otherwise?

If this is the path you choose to take one very important thing I have to suggest, and this is from experience, forgive yourself and forgive them.  It is not for them you are doing this it is strictly for you because that means you can move forward with your life.