Climbing the Mountain to Forgiveness

Climbing the mountain to forgiveness is a journey in which you can control how long it takes get to the top. Sounds simple doesn't it, as we all know it is not the easiest thing to do for yourself or for someone else.  The dictionary defines forgiveness: To grant pardon or remission of an offense, cease to feel resentment against someone. A very simple definition, a more difficult concept to execute.  Because we don't forget when we have been wronged in some way so how in the world do we forgive? I mean how do we forgive someone who has been abusive toward us, either physically, emotionally, or has broken our heart?  How do we forgive a parent who was or still is abusive toward us either emotionally, physically or by neglect? How do we begin to climb the mountain of forgiveness?  The simple truth is one step at a time, the hard part is taking that first step as with any journey that first step is always the hardest.  When you begin your journey with taking the first step you have to do it in the faith that you will come out the other side in a better place than where you began.
I am going to share with you my journey up the mountain to forgiveness.  In my case my abuses were committed by my parents, what the abuse was is really not what we need to focus on, just the fact that it happened between the ages of eight and seventeen.  Once I was able to move out of my parent's home is when I took the first step to healing and in a very real way to forgiving them.  I like most people needed and wanted them to admit their errors and apologize and then I would be able to forgive them and go on with my life.  Well that never happened, and I spent years trying to get them to admit their mistakes and take responsibility for their actions or lack thereof.  My desire for this only grew once I had my children, simply because I could not imagine letting anyone under any circumstances harm, either emotionally or physically, my children.  I just could not accept or understand how they let it happen.  There were many years I spent very angry with my parents, and I did cut off communicating with them all together.  But that did not solve my problem of finding a way to forgive them and move on with my life, because this was really holding me back from living.  After about ten years I reached out to my parents and we started communicating again but that desire had not subsided, it had actually grown.  So at different times I did discuss with them what had happened and asked why they did nothing to stop it, well again I met that brick wall of "I don't know what you are talking about".  Needless to say I did not step away from the discussions feeling any better or closer to finding a way to forgive them for what I had suffered or even forgiving myself.  Again I stepped away form communicating with them and moved myself and my children to the other side of the country and went about the work of building a life for my family.  While away I learned some valuable lessons about what constitutes a family, which it is not always defined by blood relations, I also learned lessons about forgiveness and what it really means.  After six years away we moved back to our home state and that is when I had to put those lessons about forgiveness to practice.  One of the biggest lesson I learned is that forgiveness is not about the other person and making them feel better, like the event never happened. Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from feelings the resentment and anger about the situation that has taken place. I also learned that it is definitely okay not to feel guilty or take responsibility for the abuses committed on you by someone else. I took these lessons to heart and used them to forgive my parents and move on with my life in a positive way.

The steps you are going to have to take in order to free yourself and forgive are:  1) decide forgiving is what you have and want to do to move on with your life in a positive way and holding onto that grudge is not worth it. 2)   recognize that no matter how much you wish or pray for it to happen chances are they will not take responsibility for their actions or lack thereof, now if they do, well that just makes the other steps that much easier. 3) you have to decide if it is a relationship you want to keep in your life, this is mainly a decision that has to do with family and friends. 4) Forgive yourself for any feelings of anger and  resentment. 5) remove all feelings of guilt, you are not responsible for someone elses actions and feeling guilty is a non starter in your road to forgiveness. 6) It is not necessary to tell the other person that you forgive them, especially if they have not asked for it.  7) Last but not least Forgive them for what they have done, again I say not for them but for you.  Under no circumstances are you to be hard on yourself if you are feeling like this whole process is not happening fast enough.  Look at it like this, nobody has ever climbed Mt. Everest in a day, forgiving is the same way, it is doable but it takes time and allow yourself however much time you need to get it done.
On a side note have you noticed I never told you to forget, just forgive!
Peace and blessings.