WE ALL HAVE family patterns, and it is very easy for us to blame our
parents, our childhood, or our environment for the present condition of
our lives. If we grew up in a family where criticism was the norm, then
we are going to be critical as adults. If we grew up in a family where
we were not allowed to express our anger, then we are probably terrified
of anger and confrontation, and we swallow it and let it reside in our
body. If we were raised in a family where everybody was manipulated by
guilt, then we are probably going to be the same way as adults. We
probably run around saying “I’m sorry” all the time, and can never ask
for anything outright. We feel we have to be manipulative in some way in
order to get what we want.
As we grow up, we begin to live these false ideas and lose touch with our inner wisdom. We need to realize that we can go beyond our family’s limitations. We are the ones who suffer when we hold on to past grievances. We give the situations and the people in our lives power over us, and these same situations and people keep us mentally enslaved. They continue to control us when we stay stuck in “unforgiveness.” We need to let go of the beliefs that hurt us. This allows us to be free from the needless cycle of pain, anger and recrimination that keeps us imprisoned in our own suffering and prevents us from creating positive, affirming relationships with ourselves and others.
If we want to be accepted as we are, we have to be willing to accept others as they are. We always want to have our parents accept us totally, and yet often we are not willing to accept them as they are. Acceptance is giving ourselves and the others the ability to just be. It is arrogant to set standards for others. We can only set standards for ourselves. And even then, we want them to be more like guidelines than standards. The more we can practice self-acceptance, the easier it is to drop habits that no longer serve us. It is easy for us to grow and change in an atmosphere of love. We must strive to love others, to forgive their past behaviors, and in order to do this, we must first learn to love and forgive ourselves.
As we grow up, we begin to live these false ideas and lose touch with our inner wisdom. We need to realize that we can go beyond our family’s limitations. We are the ones who suffer when we hold on to past grievances. We give the situations and the people in our lives power over us, and these same situations and people keep us mentally enslaved. They continue to control us when we stay stuck in “unforgiveness.” We need to let go of the beliefs that hurt us. This allows us to be free from the needless cycle of pain, anger and recrimination that keeps us imprisoned in our own suffering and prevents us from creating positive, affirming relationships with ourselves and others.
If we want to be accepted as we are, we have to be willing to accept others as they are. We always want to have our parents accept us totally, and yet often we are not willing to accept them as they are. Acceptance is giving ourselves and the others the ability to just be. It is arrogant to set standards for others. We can only set standards for ourselves. And even then, we want them to be more like guidelines than standards. The more we can practice self-acceptance, the easier it is to drop habits that no longer serve us. It is easy for us to grow and change in an atmosphere of love. We must strive to love others, to forgive their past behaviors, and in order to do this, we must first learn to love and forgive ourselves.
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